Archive for November, 2009

Your spoon won’t bend becausei…

November 12, 2009 5:19 pm

Your spoon won’t bend becauseit’s just that–a spoon. Mine does because there is no spoon, just my mind. Become the spoon and bend yourself.

Categories: Twitters
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Just said, “Well, the kid scre…

November 10, 2009 3:23 pm

Just said, “Well, the kid screwed up again, Martha,” literally to someone named Martha about a junior writer–best line of my whole career.

Categories: Twitters
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I’ll teach you to be happy! I’…

November 3, 2009 5:07 pm

I’ll teach you to be happy! I’ll teach your grandmother to suck eggs!

Categories: Twitters
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About This Site:

    There's a battle inherent in everyday life, one that can best be represented by the eternal, mystical battle between the giant squid and the unicorn. It's something like the way that water pours into a shell, swirling around until it reaches the center. Something like the red hot lava of the sun. Like a clown with a substance abuse problem.

Who Might Enjoy This Site:

    Anyone who will admit that deer are sexy, and could see themselves saying at some point, "Hey, let's do like, a ton of coke, put on ladies' makeup and those sequined leg warmers like they had on Flashdance, and go out and fuck some deer." And to anybody who's gonna try to be all stuck up and say they don't find deer attractive, you're full of shit. Plus, you know they'd do it to us if they could.

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